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Precious Moments with Dad

Posted on Sep 1st, 2008 by Diane : listener Diane
Dad_and_me

I posted this story on Hummingbird's "Sharing" Pod on grief, but I also wanted to share this with anyone who has lost  someone dear to them.

Growing up the oldest of five and Daddy's little girl, I spent much of my young life trying to please him and make him proud of me. It's not that he thought I was a failure but he pushed me to succeed in everything I attempted.. He was a perfectionist in the true sense. If I would have a bad grade, which I often did, he would tell me he knew I could do better!.
I never quiet made the grade, but I kept trying anyway.


When I reached the age when it was time to go out on my own, my Dad took it hard. He would often say to me, "If it doesn't work out , you can come home"... He would often stop by to ask if I needed help, even when I did, I wouldn't let him know.


My mom and dad divorced after 25 years of marriage and then my dad remarried a very young woman. When she died a few years later, I went to care for him until he got back on his feet. Dad remarried another young woman a few years later. She was a blessing for him. He became ill and deteriorated very fast. She took care of his every need with love and compassion, while protecting his dignity.


She called me one evening in October of 2005 and said " Your Dad would love to see you". Something inside of me felt this was urgent. I called my sisters and brother. My sister, Nanette, and I drove straight away to see him. When we arrived he was so weak and seemed to have aged over night. He was frail, yet his eyes beamed as we entered the room. We each took some time alone with him because he was so weak and could barely speak. We did not want to tire him. When I came near to him, he gently caressed my hand and whispered how proud of me he was and that he loved me with all his heart. He asked to forgive him for being so hard on me. I just looked at him lovingly and held him to me and told him how much I loved him. We just sat together for a long time quietly holding hands and listening to the birds outside his window.


My brother, Tee, soon arrived from Florida. He had driven all night, but wanted to see Dad right away. Nanette and I felt it was too much for him to have all of us there so we headed home. I did not want to leave him. I knew in my heart it would be the last time I would see his gently face. I held my tears until we got into the car and then my sister and I cried all the way home.


My brother sent his wife and my stepmother to town to pick up a few things, then Tee returned to Dad. Tee said Dad smiled and thanked him for being there, and how blessed he was with his children...then drifted away. We each had our time to say good bye in our own special way. More than all the years with my father, none were more precious than those last moments with him.   Loving you Always Dad

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Tagged with: precious moments, love

Pondering the Magic of Nature

Posted on Sep 15th, 2008 by Diane : listener Diane
Sunset

Some times I get up in the middle of the night, fix a cup of tea, stroll outside and curl up in a chair on my patio... and sitting in the silence of the night, I ponder the magic of nature. I wonder about the oceans and their ebbs and flows... the moon how it rises then sets in the night sky, casting dark silver shadows across the landscapes, then slowly drops off the horizon just before the sun pops up to illuminate and smile on the new day...how a pending storm feels ominous, but in it's wake it washes away the  impurities , while it caresses and nourishes the earth.


I too have ebbs and flows...and pending storms within, filling me with fear, anger, disappointment, loneliness, and uncertainty ...casting dark shadows across the landscape of my soul... and just as I feel I can endure no more... I start to weep...my tears stream down my face, washing away my sorrow, my doubts, my pain...a gentle peace cradles me and thoughts of blessings illuminate my soul...a smile begins to crack against my dry tears ...and thoughts of Love caress and nourish me once more...sitting in the silence of the night, pondering the magic of nature...the magic of our Oneness!!!

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Tagged with: Oneness, silence, nature

Early Morning Mist

Posted on Sep 18th, 2008 by Diane : listener Diane
Elk_in_the_morning_mist

I woke up early, as usual, and took my steaming cup of coffee out on the patio to welcome the day. It was still dark, and I could feel the cool mist on my face. There was a hint of fall arriving in the air...cool enough for me to put on a light sweater. There is some thing very special about the early morning that resonates with me...a calm and quiet not yet disturbed by the hustle of the day. Most people were still asleep which gave me a sense of having the purity of the morning all to myself.

The mist was so refreshing and I wanted to bask in it a little longer so I took my cup of coffee and open my wooden gate and headed down my driveway, but something out of the corner of my eye caused me to freeze. Under my giant weeping cherry tree stood a doe, and beneath her curled up in the fresh mown grass, close to the trunk of the tree... her two fawns, still sleeping.   I stood there eye to eye with the doe...I dare not move a muscle to undo this misty morning vision. The steam from my coffee swirled and arose to my nostrils tempting me to take a sip, but I stood steadfast. Occasionally the doe flipped her white tail and bent down close to her fawns to nibble on the grass, but never taking her gaze away from me. Then she  gently nudged her little ones, and ever so slowly they came to there feet. The three of them grazed under the protection of the weeping cherry for a short time longer..then slowly disappeared into the morning mist.


I don't know about you, but when I am privileged to be a part of a special event like that, it makes my heart SMILE with wonder and appreciation !!

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Tagged with: morning mist, Smile

Am I a Recluse ???

Posted on Sep 27th, 2008 by Diane : listener Diane
Bursting_with_color

Am I a Recluse??

Recently someone said to me "Diane, you spend too much time at home alone'"You are becoming a Recluse!"


Recluse according to the dictionary ... " a person who lives in seclusion or apart from society...shut off or apart from the world; living in seclusion ..."


Ok let me get this straight ....I don't go to many social events...I spend time most of my time ( when I'm not working) sitting in the back yard on my patio enjoying Nature..or on my computer...am I shut off or apart from the world sitting at home alone...


OH NO!!.....I may be alone, but never lonely...

While I am sitting by myself on the patio..I am sharing time with the multitude of birds flying in and out of the bird feeders, buzzing so close to me... sometimes they even stopping to perch on the chair next to me to visit...chipmunks and squirrels racing along the top of the fence...jumping on the table beside me to gather the nuts and berries I have set out for them...
I watch in wonder as plants burst with color after a soft rain..caressing the newly opened blooms...... I marvel at the clouds dancing ... creating murals of endless visionary sculptures...Maybe dozing off to the sounds of the trees whispering to each other as the gentle breezes brush against my face...Seeing the Oneness of it all !!!...
hardly secluded....


While I sit at my computer...with dear friends from all over the world...we are sharing our deepest feelings...events of joy... of sorrow...of laughter... of visions...of dreams...of tears...of Love...of wishes and possibilities for Universal Peace...Not shut off from the world, but One with the world...


Often, I have to pull myself away...from sheer exhaustion...my entire being overflowing with heart felt Love and Compassion shared with so many friends...not wanting to leave them ..even to rest my body and mind...not wanting to miss one minute of our sharing...living each moment through their stories...immersed in expressions of Loving Kindness...sharing ((Hugs))... Mountains of Love... Oceans of Peace...Stars filled with Endless Possibilities and Moonbeams of Blessings every day... 
 RECLUSE??


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What does it mean to be a saint?

Posted on Sep 28th, 2008 by Diane : listener Diane
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for September 28, 2008:

Sharing  Light...Love..Goodness..Inspiration...Support...Devotion to the Oneness of Mankind...Just by Being all that!!!   WOW! What a Blessing in my life...I have met many!!!
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Tagged with: QaR, saints, saintliness